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SKETCHOFLOVE@Tumblr
Hello, I'm Huien. Member of It's F, Bitch, with the title of Lucky Cute Bitch. |
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Layout: Lipstick Lullabies XIII. comments
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4Flipflop EDS Angela Apollonia Bryan Deborah Hitoshi Jasmine RuiXin Serena SuMei Yeling YokeMing archives
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Codes: dc/tdn |
I think I need some time by myself, without anybody else.
I think I need some time by myselfWithout anybody else I just need to unwind In my time machine I need to go far away A few years back would be ok I just need to unwind In my time machine By myself I don't need anybody else I just need to unwind In my time machine Sometimes, no matter how hard you work or how hard you try, other people don't really see the effort you put into doing something. What everyone sees, is only the result and whatever came out from it. So even if you put in your utmost effort, if the end result is bad, they just label you as, bad, haven't been working enough and so on. They don't really care what kind of methods you used, well, so as long as you produce good results, people think,"Oh, you're really great. You must have worked so hard." but for all you know, you might have just used despicable acts to achieve such greatness. I really do hate this competitive and contradictive society. It's so competitive that, even without foreign talents, it's really hard to breathe. And they tell you to take things a little easier, but not too much, for fear that you might lose to other people. Why can't a society function in a way that people will notice a person's strengths rather than just based on a degree? So what if you're the smartest person in the world, if your EQ is low, you're nothing too. The feeling of failing all the time isn't nice. And you think I love to fail? It's not that I don't pay attention in class. Well, I can be really attentive (Except for certain subjects). I pay attention during maths, I copy all the notes, I attempt the questions in the worksheets given, but why is it that I can't just do anything that's mathematical right? I really don't know how it's like, to be someone smart anymore? I don't even know how I got into 6A in the first place? How can anyone drop to such a low standard? I don't know too. I hate the feeling of failing and so on but do I have a choice? Now, I really don't know what I want in life. Like, is there really something out there that I can really do? It's definitely not academics, neither music nor arts. I really feel like, someone who's basically kinda useless? Like, I'm not cut out for studying, my music is nowhere and my drawing just sucks too. I don't seem to have a strength. On the way home just now, I was like walking, and I just felt as if going home was such a dread. I felt like I was taking a lift, to the top floor, to commit suicide. Just that I was going home and we live on the top floor. I totally felt as if, I could just be a real coward, and decide to do something so silly since it's really easy to die at home. Going home is just like suicidal at times. I really needed some time alone so I spent like probably half an hour in the toilet, just stoning in it. I haven't really been working smart, have I? I can't do things using shortcut methods and so on. The value in me, is really low, it totally like hit the ocean's bottom. I don't really know what will go on later. And they tell me... to breathe easy for a while. The breathing gets harder... even I know that. |
