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SKETCHOFLOVE@Tumblr
Hello, I'm Huien. Member of It's F, Bitch, with the title of Lucky Cute Bitch. |
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Layout: Lipstick Lullabies XIII. comments
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Codes: dc/tdn |
It's time to be a big girl now, and big girls don't cry.
I thought that maybe I should send a copy of this post to your email but then I thought again, if you really want to know what's on this blog so much, maybe you should use your own means and find whatever I'm writing out.This might be my last post before I go on a hiatus (Hopefully) or it might just be my last post (I doubt). I guess I love writing about my thoughts so this blog would just be the main reasons to allow me to continue writing. I really do dread home now, after the whole incident in the car. Like yea, during Aspen today, I was like well, I did cry (A little) but of course my huge hair covered my face and yea, I told myself to be strong. Maybe I'm risking my laptop after I write this, but y'know what, I think I really need to type out, what I'm feeling right now before I lose the chance to. Whatever that's happening recently has led me to having really bad headaches. While walking home from the bus stop just now, I was dragging my feet, walking slowly, just so to spend more time outside rather than be at home. Maybe this place, is no longer where I can feel protected and happy. It's just a shelter now, perhaps? So I got into my room, locked the door, and just curled on the bed and kept crying. Susi knocked on the door twice, because she wanted to mop the floor and I just ignored it. I really don't know what's happening to me but I just kept having suicidal thoughts in my mind. Well, but I won't give up so easily. Suicidal is just a cowardly way of running away from problems. Maybe I've tried hard, but not hard enough. I really don't know what you want anymore. Perhaps you're driving me mad. If you really do, I'll make sure you'll become mad as well. I really don't mind if someone just brought me to see a counselor or whatever you call, psychiatrist? Well, at least they'd bother to even listen to me. Listen to what I feel, think. Not just hear but listen. Maybe they're only doing so because they're paid but at least they're listening. Have you ever know what's going through my mind whenever you just say stuff that put me down? Have you ever really wanted to know what the hell I was even thinking? Have you ever give words of encouragement and not just keep berating me, and cheer me on, so that I would at least have a little more motivation to work harder? Look, I'm not putting this whole blame on you. But no matter how hard I work and how hard I try, it's just not enough. Because when you're work hard, you ain't exactly working smart. Just because I've got no strengths at all, you feel that you should just scold the shit out of me, in the hope of trying to make me 'wake up' and work harder? If you really think that by saying such stuff can make me work harder or spur me to do better, I'm sorry, but it only goes to show that you've never really understood me or maybe, you've never really bothered to do so? Maybe whatever I've said is upsetting but d'you know the accumulated amount of hurt and pain inflicted on me, is already at a point whereby everything's too much for me to handle and bear? And you always had to tell people that I'm always saying bad stuff about you. Have you ever really wondered, by saying all that, you ain't exactly nice to me at all? And if I don't say all these out, I might just go crazy. Or maybe, I already am. Huien of the past has kind of like disappeared. The retarded bubbly person I used to be, has slowly disappeared and I really don't know who am I now. Maybe, my true self as died. I think I better blog about some happy stuff because I really don't know when I'll be able to blog about it. Yea, I'm Mrs Moscovitz. From the book though. The (first) movie version is really cute and geeky but the book version, just seems really sweet, kinda romantic and the way he kisses is just 'wow'. Well, at least fictional characters don't really go around hugging, leaning and having their lips on people in pubs.    Lily & Michael.  Mia & Michael.            I'm having a splitting headache, so I shall be off. No one can make you feel inferior without your consent. |
